An explanation

As I sit here in my classroom, with my students collecting ants, playing checkers, and making a mess around me, I feel the need to explain my overall bad attitude. About teaching. Because a few people who read this actually LIKE teaching. They, or their spouses, ARE teachers. And I feel guilty anytime I complain about it. Hopefully, here, I can enlighten you about the way I feel like my job.

I like kids. I think they are hilarious.

In fact, one of them just walked up to me and used the words "rectagular prism", and it pretty much made my day.

But I like my own kids more. Being a working mom is difficult.

I like school supplies, books, paper. I like SCHOOLS. I do not like the way schools are run. I particularly take issue with the amount of planning time teachers are given in elementary schools. We are EXPECTED to plan and prepare at home, at night, during our time with our families. After 2 hours of grading papers. After a 9 hour work day with a 15 minute lunch and no break. I take serious issue with this.

My principal respects my ideas. That's rare, and pretty much awesome.

My students do not respect my ideas, and that's probably my fault. But it is my reality, still.

I stay busy, and I like it.

I'm exhausted at night, and not emotionally available for my own kids. Because I gave all of my energy to everyone else's kids.

I reach sensory overload pretty quickly. After 9 hours of fluorescent lights, tapping pencils, 15 simultaneous conversations, and strange noises from the depths of the 9-year-old being, I have reached my limit, and my brain turns to mayonaise.

Teaching is bad for my health. Stress. Long-term exposure to Cortisol (a stress chemical that floods the brain) causes weight gain. ewe. Teachers certainly aren't winning any awards for fitness. Acne. Germs. Exposure to 30 walking illness carriers every single day.

Ok. What is the point here? I do recognize that there are good things about teaching. The people who do it are lovely, wonderful, selfless people for the most part. For me, I am not willing to sacrifice my family to be great at my job. Going home and night and spending my time and energy on my family makes me a lousy teacher. Both things suffer. Teaching requires absolute dedication, a kind of dedication that I am not willing to sacrifice my family to give.

I am making a proactive decision to work toward a career that I can be happy in. If I happen to trash teaching on my way there, please understand that it is out of my own frustration. By no means do I judge you, or your spouse, for doing this great work. It is important. Its just not for me. I read this from an article about a 4-year DC teacher...

". . . The most shocking thing to admit – even to myself- was that my own intrinsic motivation was not enough. I did not have the energy, the passion, or the self-discipline to truly carry out the work of an excellent teacher each and every day."

... and it rang all too true. And it IS shocking to admit.


Another thought from the article...

"I do think teachers are unfairly criticized when they choose to leave the profession in order to better support their families or seek something else more satisfying. If I had a degree in business and worked managing a restaurant (long hours, physically strenuous) and announced I was changing to a profession different and better for my family I certainly would not be chastized the way many people are for choosing to leave teaching (“you’re just greedy for wanting more pay and a complainer for whining about the workload!”)"

Why am I even writing this (no one is going to read it all)? Because I do feel criticized for leaving. By colleagues, family, parents of my students, and my administrators.

I seriously just let a kid stick his dirty fingers in my favorite lip balm. Because I adore him. That's gotta be worth something.